In reference to this entry
This morning I noticed that the Foundation for a Drug Free World’s message outside UCLH has now been replaced by a giant red poster with the legend “Celebrate On The Coke Side Of Life”. As Bart Simpson once said, the ironing is delicious.
Louis Theroux, the famous broadcaster, has been released from his contract at the BBC after the furore surrounding his controversial documentary, When Louis Met The McCanns. After sinking into alcoholism and depression Theroux embarks on a series of illicit affairs, each one more absurd than the last. In one liaison he believes that the two kittens who watch him have sex are the reincarnations of Uday and Qusay Hussein, in another Theroux is forced to marry a gay Citroen 2CV that only he can see. Ultimately, Theroux must regain self confidence in his documentary film making skills if he is to survive with his mind intact. *Spoiler* There’s a bit where Louis accidentally uncovers an underground neo-Nazi crime syndicate run by Jimmy Saville.
It’s the late 19th Century and at a dinner party in Hampstead, north London, Karl Marx, Freidrich Nietzsche, Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein and Cuba Gooding Jnr are setting the world to rights. They are interrupted by a mysterious but beautiful stranger who tells them she has buried £1million somewhere in the American west. Thus begins a race for the money that takes our heroes on an epic adventure around the world. Ultimately, they learn that it’s love, and not money that is most important to the human spirit. *Spoiler* There’s also a bit where Cuba Gooding Jnr is chased by Red Indians but is saved by Albert Einstein riding in a hot air balloon.
On my way through Trafalgar Square the other week I passed the new sculpture on the “empty” fourth plinth and saw a man actually, yes actually really, shake his head at it. “Bloody modern art!” he probably thought, “my disabled cousin Jeff could create a more aesthetically lucid sculpture than that, and without forgetting to conjure astute reference to our 21st Century malaise.” True, but I’d rather see multi-coloured perspex slabs up there than a statue of reformed terrorist Nelson Mandela, once thought as the front runner to a permanent slot on the plinth. The last thing that central London needs is another statue of an ancient politician, although, if they were to put a solid gold persona of Brian Haw on there I wouldn’t complain.
Extracts from Leo Hickman’s new Bestseller A Year Without Guilt: Questions and Answers For An Ethical Life.
Dear Leo,
Is it ethical to stare at bees?
James Richmond, Worthing
Bees are famous the world over for their honey making abilities, but in
Britain they are still best known for their part in the marketing campaign
for Honey Nut Loops cereal in the early 90s. Personally, I boycotted all
Kellogg’s products at the time, and even now the sound of someone eating
cornflakes makes me ponder the ethics of breakfast. But James, you are
correct in asking whether it is right to stare at a bee. These fragile
creatures are notoriously shy, and will normally fly off when approached by
a curious human wanting to tickle its little furry tummy. If the bee knows
it’s being watched while collecting nectar from a flower it will be put off
and the whole honey harvest would be ruined. It should be okay to watch
bees while using binoculars, as long as you remain covered in a watching
hut and are as quiet as possible.
Dear Leo,
I recently visited a newsagents to buy some sweets for my youngest son Daniel and caught him flicking through the “lads mag” Loaded. (Which, I might add was not on the top shelf with the rest of the pornography.) His father says such behaviour is harmless and is even going to buy Daniel a copy as a present for doing so well in his University exams. What are the ethics of pornography?
Kate Richmond, Worthing
Luckily for Danny’s raging hormones there are options available. He could just buy a copy of the Radio Times, as its content is at least as erotic as the average copy of Loaded and also far more interesting. Alternatively, he could have surgery to remove the part of the brain that knows what pornography is-“the filth quarter”. Unfortunately, scientists don’t actually know where this is located in the brain so it is just a matter of trial and error until they get it right. After each part of the brain is removed, surgeons will ask Danny if he is still able to conceptualize what pornography is. If he doesn’t, great! If he does, then it’s back with the knife.
Dear Leo,
I recently discovered that all my furniture is upholstered with the skin of dead children. What should I do?
Robert Kilroy-Silk, London
Humans have being slaughtering trees for thousands of years to make furniture, and it’s refreshing to see some of us are beginning to source ethical alternatives. Well done Robert.
Leo Hickman’s book A Year Without Guilt is out now, priced £73.54 from all non-existent bookshops.
